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Tipping Your Hat to Women

Updated: Jan 20, 2023

A Gentleman of The Gospel

Stephen Phinney | IM Contributing Author


Nobody enjoys being around a man who has no manners. If covertly confesses, the man is rude, arrogant, and lacks morals. Worse yet, a man without manners reveals hidden signs of disrespect towards the Creator.



Yesterday, I opened the door for a woman who refused my mannerly gesture. After I sat at the table to eat, I watched her move around the restaurant masculinely. I realized that treating her like a her insulted her masculine identified persona. The odd thing was she kept looking my way with disdain. While some would entangle themselves with reluctant passivity, I knew I reached the core of her beliefs with the highest respect a man can show a woman – I respected her in the light of the Creator, even though she demanded gender-neutral equality.

Let’s face it. The method of manners in which a man treats a woman offers a biblical index of his character in Christ, his respect for the Creator, and the honor implanted within the role of manhood.


When a man is mannerly, whether his intent was purposeful or an incidental expression revealing his stature, it leaves a mark on those observing, hopefully, through his involuntary behavior. As my mother taught me, how a young man shows respect to a woman often reveals the character more than the gesture of kindness or deed itself. She further noted that the man's character communicates the kind of husband the man is or will be. In her eyes, it was the factor to determine the kind of wife her boys would marry. No truer words. Not only did her boys marry well, but all three of us have also maintained the Biblical principles of “once married, always married.”

While my father suffered from PTSD, clearly displaying disrespect to those around him, my father was known for his manners when not intoxicated. As a child, setting aside his bouts with alcohol, I learned most of my manners from my dad. For example, if we boys showed disrespect toward our mother, we heard about it by the end of a belt strap.

My mother was the grandest teacher when it came to proper manners at the table and in public interactions. We, boys, quickly figured out that the manner of doing anything permanently marks a man’s character for life.

Yes. I am a man that knows which fork to use for each table setting. Yes. I am a man who knows the table head should be the last to finish his food. I was taught that the head of the table should eat the slowest to keep the guests comfortable and fully engaged in the discussions. My mother clarified that a gentleman should leave a small portion of his food on his plate to communicate contentment. I was taught to serve the host first and foremost before, during, and after the meal. It was embedded in me to compliment her throughout the dining experience.

While my mother knew little about Biblical values until later in her life, she understood that politeness is benevolence in action. Throughout my childhood, my mother, and even my father, were known for being “classy” people.

True gentlemen are alert in all culturally driven social environments, including home life. A masculine man knows that respect wanted is respect displayed. A man that expects respect is honorable. A man that demands respect gets none. True Godly men are distinguished in socially accepted knowledge, insight, and sympathy and have a quick mind regarding the manners that come with the creation of man, particularly regarding women.

Throughout my life, I have said, “I love spunky women.” I am not one of the men who believe women are to be passive. I believe the opposite. How can a man direct energy unless energy is present? Whether a man or a woman, being “spunky” is honorable; it is a great character trait. However, if either use their outgoing behavior as a “right” to dominate, Biblical violations are set in motion.

Most men treat their dogs with more respect than their women.

Men tend to treat women the way a woman treats them. Not this male. Unless I am fronted by a woman attacking my Biblical role as a leader, I will refrain from dogmatism in my dealings with women. A man or woman of disrespect is a dangerous thing. A man who displays gentleness and kindness in conversing, truly listening to others, is a man who is heard at the throne seat of God.

You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:7)

You just read one of the leading most resisted passages in the Bible. Who enjoys being called “weak?” I know few. Who understands the balance between fellow heir and grace? Demonstrating Christ-as-Life leadership requires an appropriation of authentic males displaying the behaviors of the primary gentleman - Jesus.

The Greek word Peter used here is asthenes – without strength. I don’t know about you, but I don’t view most women as being without strength. It is probably because they're not. The context of this passage is rooted in where she invests the strength she possesses. Believe it or not, a woman gets her strength from a man. As in the creational model, Eve was taken from Adam’s side, his strength. She is obligated to return that strength to advance her man's strength – to use it as a single unit of displayed power. Biblical writers front men and women with these “impossible” Scriptures when she, or he, violates this functional design. Biblical men that understand the above passage – understanding the importance of men who do not embrace this truth will result in having prayers hindered. Look around. Men without this understanding are men without Biblical manners.

Biblical Men of Manners Front Men

One of the main reasons we see our men fading into egalitarianism is this. Today, Satan has reversed the Biblical design of creation. Instead of women listening to men, men took the consequences stated in Genesis and converted them into a societal norm.

Then to Adam He said, "Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree about which I commanded you, saying, 'You shall not eat from it'; Cursed is the ground because of you; In toil you will eat of it All the days of your life. (Genesis 3:17)

Adam faced a problem with the “who” he took orders from. Adam shifted obedience from the male voice of the Father to what was created to support the orders given to him by the Father – his wife. This is what got Adam in deep water. Remember, the person we take orders from is the same person we war with in the end. Because Satan successfully shifted this order upside wrong, the war between man and woman became a generational issue.

A man who understands Biblical manners knows this. If he is to go into battle, it should be an “iron sharpening iron” methodology with men. One of my mentors asked me, “Why do you go to war with your sword on a wife with a butter knife?” At the time, that made zero sense to me. But today, it makes perfect sense.

Since we live in a culture where women are on the front lines of battle and leaders of nations & churches, men have been duped into understanding the true Biblical values of being a gentleman. In fact, mostly, it is an impossibility to treat a woman as God created her to be treated. Today, if she carries a sword, a man will use his sword to front her. My mentor's words have emerged as a society in our present-day reality. Women are no longer known for using blades to butter bread for their families. She is mostly known for taking the family sword off the mantel to fight for the things the head of the home was ordained to fight. Agreed. Most men are clueless about the practical use of the family sword. Nonetheless, the principle is immovable.

Today I firmly believe that the world went upside down when Satan successfully took his Garden of Eden plan and formed it into a cultural norm. I will be so blunt to communicate that the lion’s share of global problems and domestic degeneration is due to this demonic doctrine that has permeated the resistance to the functionality of Biblical manners mandated to men AND women.

While the war of the sexes cannot, and will not be reversed, in the minds of the men who have ears to listen, we can save a “few good men” by teaching them to be the highest breed of masculinity in transmitting the qualities of Biblical manners into the lives of the next generation. While this seems impossible, women should remember that when they are in the presence of a rude man, they should know that they are not in a Biblical society of true women or men who act ladylike or gentlemanly. Men should face the same truth.

A man who succeeds in his calling by our Lord is almost invariably a man who has shown the character of Jesus, who was, and is, a perfect model of gentlemanly manners. A man who desires such charming manners holds the secrets to converting an enemy into a friend and can defend the weak, live with women in an understanding way, and gain answers to his petitions and prayers. However, when a man functions in the design of a woman, women will remain a threat to his existence.

The primary principle that should rule a man’s life is the sure posture of God the Father and Jesus the Son being acted out in releasing these two masculine characters from within. If you are male and you have never asked to be filled with Master gentleman, you are on a boat without paddles, a ship without a rudder. As usual, it always starts with the indwelling salvation of the Holy Spirit. Without this step, you have no Biblical creed or faith obligations to demonstrate why Jesus came to reveal the manners and customs of the Living God. At best, you can obtain the politeness of mutual respect without gaining the eternal weight of Glory. One has earthly rewards and the other eternal.

Men, it is time for us to “man up.” Start treating your wife, daughter, sister, or any other woman in the same mannerly fashion that Jesus Himself handles His Bride – gentlemanly. If you want to teach others the positional Truths of the Bride of Christ, it starts with our mannerly behavior and respect.

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