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Trending | Male Loneliness

Updated: Sep 8, 2021

Dr. Stephen Phinney

Thanks to the internet, the masses now have fewer close friends compared to thirty years ago. In fact, five times as many now report they have no close friends. However, men are at the blunt end of this statistic.

Wait, I thought the internet was designed to increase friendships?

Not according to a study conducted by the Survey Center on American Life. The study conducted involved interviews with a random national sample of 2,019 adults living in the U.S. and shows that only 59% of Americans, in general, report having a best friend today compared to 77% in 1990. And while 30 years ago, 55% of men said they have at least six close friends, just 27% of men now report the same. From a historical-cultural view, that means something is horrifically going up-side-wrong.

On the other hand, the survey revealed that only 10% of women had experienced a decline in friendships. In fact, they have increased. So…why is this?

He explained, the decline in close friendships is especially concerned for young adults and singles who traditionally rely on their friends for emotional and personal support. With the shifting trend, the data show that young men increasingly turn to their parents for support as their friends’ network shrinks.

From a psychological perspective, this data declares that our millennial & generation Z-ers are clueless about forming friendships. However, this survey reveals a deeper issue – it is our males who are slipping into loneliness.

So, what is going on with this madness method?

While you would think that the digital age would have increased friendships, the masses intuitively know that the internet is the loneliest place on earth. Furthermore, we need to review the “why” men are on the losing end of this cultural demise.

As you might know, feminism has been on the rise for thirty-plus years. Feminism activates Adam’s sin in the garden – that of harkening to the voice of his woman. According to God’s reasoning of disciplining Adam, it was this statement that revealed his error.

Then to Adam, He said, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree about which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat from it’; Cursed is the ground because of you; In toil, you will eat of it All the days of your life.” (Gen 3:17)

Harkening or listening in the original Hebrew text means obeying. Listening to your wife is healthy. It is the obedience aspect that God is challenging.

As for Eve’s generational sin, women from her womb tend to default to attempting to rise above male leadership. Due to this reality, God disciplined her with three consequences. Here is what He said.

To the woman, He said, “I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth, In pain, you will bring forth children; Yet your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” (Gen 3:16)

It was an error/sin that set the world in a pathway that set the anti-christ up to introduce his ever so popular Great Whore – the spirit of Jezebel (Rev. 2:20).

What is this spirit of Jezebel?

Well, it is not only feminism in real-time; it is the assigned religious leader for Satan. She will be a “she god” for his 7-year reign. According to prophecies revealed in Nehemiah & Revelation’s book, she is referenced as Horus, the all-seeing eye. Revelation’s book calls her Jezebel.

Before I lose my female readers, please hear me out.

Since the Lord disciplined Adam for harkening to his woman’s voice, this sin was deeply embedded into the genetic offspring of men who descended from him. To put it in modern terms, men who fear dominant women. As soon as a woman rises above the infrastructure of the Holy guidelines of Biblical women, men instinctively cower. They retreat into the same sin Adam committed – yielding to the voice of women, which sends them into a place of loneliness.

Loneliness is due to having no women to lead. Since modern culture dominates, women believe they do not need men to lead females; the male is without a healthy kingdom to manage & lead. Thus, retreating into passivity. Passivity produces oppression. And oppression produces overwhelming feelings of powerlessness, isolation & loneliness.

So what do these males do? They retreat into the modality of a man without an island. Folks that is called intrusive loneliness.

If a man has no island to manage, he does exactly what Adam did – defaults to feminine dominance. What was once an innate choice is now the norm of culture – a movement. This is a plan Satan counts on for his end-times dominance.

Man’s greatest weakness is couched in not initiating the appropriate effort in maintaining, rebuilding, or starting new venues to lead. Fact. Men find the idealism of relationships in leading. When that distinction is taken away from him – he retreats even if the price tag is isolation & loneliness. The baseline is that men develop friendships by working or doing things together, like hanging out with other men and, most significantly, in leading others, thus their relentless competition modality. This is the reason why groups like Promise Keepers & Iron Sharpening Iron are stepping up to make a difference. These ministries understand the basic needs of men – men need to empower men.

When women entered the competition arena back in the late 1800s via athletic clubs, men started their slow fade. As most know, when women began competing with men, the battle of the sexes ensued. The ideology of competition flowed over into all seven areas of life – spiritual, psychological, marital, financial, social, physical, and parental. Doing a fast-forward to modern times, this single misnomer became responsible for gender neutrality within the sports arena today. Which ultimately resulted in the statistic of women dominating 70% of the workforce, politics, church leadership, homes, and generalized leadership.

Statistics reveal that most women are threatened by their husbands, sons & male friends attending male-centered gatherings. Stating, We fear our men will slip back into a masculine-centered old-school slavery mentality. While this is not a news flash, most of the Bible is built on male leadership – good ones & bad. However, the Word of God does NOT reduce the importance of women; God remains focused on leading His people through the heads of the home, Church, and the political arenas by, primarily, male leadership. Anyone who attempts to change this fact is revisioning the Word of God. Yet, the majority of men and women are doing exactly that by defaulting to their self-made “bibles.”

Many women believe male-centered leadership is slavery.

Since our culture today is obsessed with anti-slavery, the masses of women are doing a slow fade into Christian Feminism. I have never had a case in counseling where a Christian Feminist is agreeable to the truth that they are feminist. Men know this. Their fleshly solution is to retreat – just like Adam did in the garden.

I am involved in a case where a pastor is struggling with “depression.” I asked him, in his mind, what is the leading cause of his retreat? While anticipating his response, he said, My wife is determined to lead the Church by using me as her voice. Furthermore, his wife had been leading his ministry activities for most of the years he has been in ministry. Stating, he has regular temptations of retiring (retreating) from the pastorate.